revisitation: dublemma (2017)

an old memory ripping...

This was the first piece of my music I put up on the site back in Spring, 2017. That was a tough time. I remember slaving over this one, an axe to grind. Even still, it needs some more polish…but I haven’t been back to it since. Because it was a grind. A regurgitation, emotionally and creatively; like being knot-throat-thoughtful and impetuously kicking a trashcan over at the same time. When I had the project done, or all done but the mastering, I was different. Less disoriented. A little stronger. A half-inch taller. On my legs. I could feel it. And that was enough; it was the stair I needed. Consequently, that’s where I left it…

Simply because there’ve been other stairs.

But I do recall the sharp edges in my heart at that time, and I can hear it in my own composition even now…going on 3 years later. In it, there’s a static spark of real experience that gooses the hairs on the nape of my neck. A torrent of memories: stutter-swift, sharp and snickering into shadow. A brier and bramble; all the goat-headed stuff I was trying to get the hell out of. This song is literally what it sounded like as I fought my way to some higher ground in the half-light and fog of a beat-to-shit heart. It’s regretful. But it’s angsty.

And it’s not a masterpiece. It’s not particularly great, for that matter. It’s just a piece of music. But it is a piece of me.

And, if I’m to believe myself lately, having grown far beyond even the momentary speed-bump that produced this song, then that’s worth sharing. Again.



On Jovian Clouds:


Kibo’s Dream:

Letting Go:

Lake Ransom:

The Drive:


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8 comments on “revisitation: dublemma (2017)

  1. Wow, this is such a beautiful piece!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. We are our own harshest critics, aren’t we? You write despairingly about this melody, and yet I find it to be poignant.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, L…and please forgive me for taking so long in affirming your comment. Sometimes, I feel like McConaughey in Interstellar: a minute to me is like a year to everybody else. And I can lose some serious minutes in my life…

      The piano work for this one started out as a much ‘quieter’ project. At its heart, you’re right, there is a significant thread of bittersweet sentimentality. It’s something I chose to keep; that piano progression runs the entire length of the track, even as it becomes more and more over-layered by the other elements I ultimately brought into the song. The idea was to have this sweet, precious, meaningful, somewhat fragile thing become shaken, distracted, burdened. Hence, the play-on-words title.

      The bottom-line is that I’m a sap, Larisa. And you busted me hiding in the middle of my own song. Thank you so much for spending some of your precious time here…

      Liked by 2 people

      • Reading this brought a smile to my face. Thank you! You’re the first one on WordPress to call me “L,” that is something that my close friends call me and I thought that was cute. You’re most welcome and the gratitude is returned.

        Liked by 1 person

      • This is too funny in one of those quirky, unexplainable ways. I instinctively wanted to call you ‘L’ from the moment I discovered you and decided to comment, but I resisted. I typically don’t give up on my gut feelings; rather, I’ve learned to trust them over the years, in many cases more than I would trust an off-setting wisdom. Still, I kept thinking it could irritate or offend you…the last thing I’d want, truly. Through my mind’s eye, I could just see you tossing your hair over your shoulder with a snap-of-wrist and glower: ‘Who does this punk think he is?’ or ‘Hmmm, the worst boyfriend I ever had called me L…and he’s got dentures now because I played peewee softball when I was a kid.’ Lol. I’m relieved my arrogant choice to rename you found you with a smile rather than a furrowed brow and death stare. And…I’m also relieved to find that I can still trust my heart. Thank you, L, for your warmth and kindness…not lost on me, ‘tis a promise.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Laughing! I don’t think I’ve ever punched anyone in my life! My ex used to call me “L Boogey” and I hated it, so you’re safe 😉 Another one is “L Money” and that one is tolerable 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • How about L-evator? Or L-igator? L-bow? Lol…

        Or umber-L-a, L-a, L-a, eh, eh…

        If you’re smiling, I win.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Omg 😅🤦🏻‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

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